Back Pains
by BellaSWilson
Summary: Arthur wants to shrink Alfred's ego when he gets drunk, but ends up shrinking something else entirely! Slight language, probably no pairings.
1. Chapter 1

"You know Iggy, you don't take me out drinking too often," Alfred said happily, clapping his former guardian on the back.

"Yeah, well, don't get used to it," "Iggy" mumbled in reply, bringing his ale up to his lips for another sip. At this, Alfred let out an inexplicable and obnoxious laugh that caused others in the bar to look at the two strangely. "Alfred, will you shut up! That wasn't even funny!"

"Ahaha... sorry Iggy. I was laughing at the idea that anyone would _not_ want to go out drinking with me, since, you know. I'm the hero and all."

Arthur stared at the man blankly. _The sad thing is that he's _serious _about that_. "Alfred, you are truly an imbecile."

Alfred looked confused for a second. "I don't really know what that means but thanks, Iggy!"

_Dear God, he's such an ass! Why did I invite him to drinks again? Oh, right. To find a way to bring him down. _He looked miserably over at Alfred, who seemed to be striking up a very flirtatious conversation with a large-chested waitress. "Ugh." With that, Arthur returned his attentions to his second ale, which was starting to run low. _I don't think that's going to happen any time soon. Might as well get pissed. _

And get pissed he did. (It didn't take much, after all.) After just four more rounds, Arthur had already become "Britannia Angel" and was trying to fly away before Alfred (the hero!) convinced him finally to come off of the roof. However, Alfred, being... Alfred, allowed "Britannia Angel" to drink even _more_.

"America."

"Yeah, Iggy?"

"America yer sooo *hic* stup... stup... dumb. And ya have such a BIIIIIG *hic* ...what's the word?"

Alfred giggled a bit, unable to resist the joke ."I'm sure you mean I have a big co-"

"EGO!" Arthur exclaimed triumphantly, very proud of having remembered the word. "You," he pointed dramatically to Alfred, "have a HUUUGE ego!"

The man with glasses pouted a bit. "Iggy, that's mean!"

"'S true!"

"I think it's time to go home."

"Take me home! I gots spells to cast ya know. And ahm tireeeed."

"Yeah, yeah. Spells. Let's go Mr. Wizard." With that, Alfred helped the older country to his house and threw him unceremoniously on the sofa before turning to leave to go back to his own home.

"Ouch!" Arthur whined when he was dropped in such a way.

"You're welcome for helping Iggy!" Alfred said brightly, flashing a thousand-watt smile at the man before turning again to leave. He was singing/muttering something about being awesome under his breath on the way out.

_Must be some American song. Not like he would sing anything else. _Arthur rolled over on his soft sofa, looking up at his ceiling. "There was a spell I wanted to cast..." he muttered. He furrowed his brow as he tried to think of what it was. The minutes ticked by silently aside from Arthur's slightly heavy breathing. _What was it...?_ "Aha!" he exclaimed suddenly, sitting up quickly, dizzying himself slightly. "Bahaha Alfred! Yer gonna pay!"

He stumbled down his stairs to his dark basement, very excited. "I'll shrink yer ego!" he sang jovially into the darkness, his hand searching for his black robe on the shelf. He found it fairly quickly, and pulled it on with a smile on his face. He stepped up to the stand that was in the middle of the room. It held a large book and a wand, but he couldn't see either. He furrowed his brow. "Why's it so dark...?" He looked around. "The light!" he remembered suddenly, and lurched over to the far wall to flip the light switch on. It was dim, but that was intentional. He made it back to the stand with considerably more ease since he could now see.

"Okay... now. Where's tha spell?" he asked as if he expected the book to tell him. Flipping it open, he found that he had some difficulty in reading the letters, but he could manage. "Where's it, where's it?" he muttered as he searched. "Baha!" he pointed enthusiastically to a spell. "Found ya!" He scrunched up his eyes in concentration as he read the spell. He read it five times over before deciding that he could execute it.

He yelled the gibberish that the author does not feel like making up and waved his wand madly. "Spirits! I ask you to shrink..." _What was I shrinking again? Something about America. Wasn't he talking to a girl with _huge_ tits? _He shook his head a bit. _Those tits were really huge. Like Ukraine kind of huge. _He giggled at this a bit. "Ukraine's tits..." he said with a little smile. There was a loud bang and a flash of pink light and the spell was completed. "Wait! That's not what I wanna shrink!" he complained, realizing his mistake. _I'm really tired. I can worry about tits later._ "Hehe... tits." With that, Arthur fell asleep on the floor of his basement, unaware that he would not remember his spell in the morning.

Lol I love Ukraine's boobs. Boing! Boing!


	2. Chapter 2

Katushya woke with a flinch from a nightmare early the next morning. She sat up quickly in bed and breathed heavily in and out, trying to calm herself. She put a trembling hand to her chest as comfort. She sat that way for a moment, getting herself to calm down, until she was struck with the thought that something seemed like it was missing.

But she closed her eyes and ignored the feeling, sighing at the start of another day. She shifted her legs so that they stood at the edge of the bed and stood up... and nearly fell down. The blonde cried out in surprise when she found that her balance was completely unlike what she was used to. Confused, she looked down at her body.

"I can see my feet!" she exclaimed with wide eyes. "What...wha?" she babbled incoherently, grabbing her chest, groping, looking for what used to be there. It was then that she noticed that her nightshirt was hanging quite loosely, whereas it was rather too tight on her the night before. She pulled her shirt away from her chest and looked down, only to be met by two little A-cups. "What happened to my груди?" she cried to no one, enormously bewildered.

She began to run toward her living room to find her phone, but halfway there, she stopped. _My back doesn't hurt. It feels... really good! _Katushya's eyes widened. _I wonder..._ She bent forward as far as she could and laughed happily. "I'm not falling over! And my back doesn't hurt!" she shouted to the walls. She stood up and laughed again. She jumped up and down, very glad to notice that there was no _boing_ sound accompanying the movement. She felt triumphant. Finally, the bane of her existence was _gone_. "I have to call someone!" She thought for a moment. "I know! I'll call Estonia!"

With that, Katushya quickly made her way to the telephone to call the Baltic. She dialled the number and it rang four times before it was answered.

"Hello?"

"Estonia?"

"Yes. Is this Ukraine?"

"Mhm," she nodded.

"What can I do for you?"

"I have great news!"

"Oh?" he sounded curious. "What is it?"

"My breasts have shrunk! Isn't that amazing?" She rubbed her chest (or lack thereof) fondly.

"...I suppose that's nice. But don't you think something bad might happen?"

Katushya looked up at this. "Like what? My back feels so much better!"

"Well, your body is your country. And visa versa*. If something on your body is affected, so is something which that body part represents. So mightn't something shrink?"

"Ahaha Estonia that's silly!" Katushya waved him off.

There was a bit of silence before Estonia spoke again. "If you say so, Ukraine. But I would just be ready if anything were to happen. You never know." With that, the line went dead.

Katushya sighed happily. "I think it's time to go for a walk," she said to herself. _What a fine day! _She tried to get dressed, but found that none of her tops fit her. They were all much too loose, but she did not mind. She didn't even need a bra they were so small! She giggled happily as she ran outside, the only sound she heard coming from her feet on the pavement.

Oh wow. She's so happy! I don't know why she called Estonia. Review please!


	3. Chapter 3

"Oh God..." Arthur groaned and opened his eyes, wincing at the light. "What the hell did I drink last night?" He noticed that the ceiling seemed especially high this morning. "...Why am I on the floor?" He sighed painfully and sat up, his head spinning slightly as he did so. "Oh fuck." He grabbed his head, which was aching quite badly now. He sat there for a few moments, his elbows resting on bent knees, his face in his hands.

When he felt well enough to stand, the blond pulled himself up gingerly, holding on to the stand for support. _Wait... the stand? Oh shit! I didn't cast any spells, did I? I don't even remember leaving the pub! _He stared at the book in panic, as if it were jumping at him with large, sharp teeth. _Damn. I passed out on the floor but I closed it? _The spell book was indeed closed and Arthur was not even sure whether he had actually cast a spell at all. "Fuck," he mumbled. "What time is it?"

He stumbled clumsily to the stairs, still uncoordinated and confused from the night's mystery escapades. He sighed as he slowly climbed the twelve steps to his living room, which smelled oddly like hamburgers. _Oh, don't tell me. _"Alfred?"

"Yo!" Alfred's hand popped up into view from the sofa.

"What are you doing in my house you wanker?"

"Oh, just makin' sure you woke up okay." He peeked his head out so that Arthur could see his eyes and nose. "Looks like you did. That's nice." He flopped back down on the sofa.

"What time is it?" There was a very long silence. "...Alfred?"

"Hold on! I'm reading the clock!"

"What the..? Can't you read clocks?"

"Not this kind! Not very well, at least." There was another silence. "It's five ten," he declared finally. "Take that, analog clock!"

Arthur slapped his forehead. "Alfred, let me see that please." He stepped over to the American and held out his hand. Alfred held out his wrist to show the Brit the watch that was fastened there. Arthur stared at it for two seconds. "It's two twenty-five, you idiot."

"Oh," Alfred said sheepishly, looking once again at the watch.

"What time did I get home last night? Do you know?"

"Around three, I think."

_Damn, that means I probably did cast a spell. Sleeping for eleven hours doesn't usually happen to me. _"Hmph."

"What does that mean?"

"It doesn't mean anything. Go home."

"No thanks," the American replied flippantly, lying back down on the sofa. Arthur noted that there appeared to be crumbs on his shirt.

"Were you eating hamburgers in my house again?"

"Yep," Alfred replied with a wide grin.

"Get. Out," Arthur growled, pointing to the door and gritting his teeth.

Alfred pouted. "Oh, but Iggy! I have something to tell you!"

The Brit's arm fell a bit. "What is it?"

"You know Ukraine? The country with the enormous boobs?" He held his arms out about half a metre from his chest, demonstrating (inaccurately) the size of Ukraine's chest.

Arthur sighed. "Yes, what about her?"

"Now she's the country with tiny boobs."

Arthur's eyes narrowed. "What do you mean?"

"I saw her running around laughing this morning. Didn't even hear her coming!" He chuckled lightly. "Dude, it's almost a shame. Those were some really nice tits."

"God, you Americans and your tits," Arthur sighed. But he knew full well he was the same way. Not that he would ever admit it.

"No man. They're seriously tiny. Like, A cup kind of tiny. It's like magic."

_Ho shit, no. _"Magic?" Alfred nodded. "Damn." _I hope it wasn't my fault... _"Wait... did you say she was laughing?"

"Yeah man. She seemed really happy to be boob-free. So sad."

_So she's happy with a smaller chest, eh? Well I might as well just leave it. _"Well... I suppose that's nice for her, isn't it?"

"Yeah but not for the rest of us," Alfred grumbled moodily, upset that the world was being deprived of some truly awesome boobs.

"Whatever you say, pervert. Now get out of my house."

"Fine. I got some shit to do anyway. Later Iggy!" With that, Alfred left Arthur alone to recover from his massive hangover.

"Well, I guess that explains what I did last night."

Teehee I love morning-afters. And we all know that Iggy's the _real_ pervert here. Reviews make me happy!


	4. Chapter 4

"Belarus! Look!"

"Who the hell are you? Get out of my house!" The little blonde pulled a knife out of nowhere and held it out menacingly, practically growling.

"Waah!" Katushya cried, panicking. "It's me! Ukraine! Your sister?" She held up her hands in front of her face fearfully.

Natalia lowered her knife a bit, looking confused. "But... You're..."

Katushya beamed happily at her little sister. "Isn't it great?" She held out her arms, displaying flat chest proudly.

One of the little blonde's eyes twitched in confusion. "But... I didn't even... hear you coming. What?" Her arm fell to her side.

"I don't know what happened! I just woke up this morning and they were like this! You didn't even hear me coming did you?" she giggled.

"So your chest just magically disappeared?" Natalia said sceptically. Katushya nodded enthusiastically. _Well that sounds suspicious. _"And you have no idea how?"

"Not a clue. But maybe God finally answered my prayers!"

"No that's not it." Natalia said curtly. Her sister's face fell.

"What do you think happened?"

"I don't know. But you should be careful. Changing something on your body usually changes something in your country."

"Estonia did mention that..."

"Well what do your breasts represent?"

Katushya thought this over for a few seconds. "I have no idea," she shrugged.

"You're unhelpful. And this is not my problem. Get out of my house."

"But aren't you happy that my back doesn't hurt anymore?" The older country pouted.

"Not really. I don't particularly care if your back hurts or not."

"But Nat-"

"Get out. Now."

Katushya hung her head. "Fine." She left mumbling about happiness and backs and trading places.

She was about to get into her car when her portable rang. She looked at the caller ID. It was her boss. "Hello?" she answered.

"Ukraine, we have a problem."

"What is it? If it has to do with the gas supply, I don't want to hear it."

"It doesn't," came the immediate answer.

"...What's wrong then?"

"It's the crops. All the crops have shrunk."

"...What do you mean shrunk?"

"All the fields are about an eighth of the size they used to be. We don't know what happened."

Katushya put her hands to her chest slowly. "An eighth... that sounds about the same as..."

"As what?"

She shook her head. "Nothing. I'll take care of it. I think I know what happened."

"Well what-" But she didn't hear the rest. She hung up and dialled Ivan's number. He answered after three rings.

"Hello?" came the polite, childish-sounding voice.

"Russia?"

"Ah! Ukraine! How are you sister?"

"Not good, I'm afraid. I need your help."

"What's the matter?"

"You dabble in magic sometimes, don't you?"

"...Yes." His voice sounded darker now.

"And you know which other countries do as well, right?"

She heard a small bit of relief in his voice. "Yes I do. Do you need to know who they are?"

"Yes I do. My land is having problems and I think it might be because of someone's magic."

"No problem!" He said brightly, glad to be able help (rat out other countries).

"Oh thank you! Who are they?"

"Well," he said confidentially. "There are only a few. There's Iceland, Kenya, and Brazil. But the biggest and most active one is England."

"England... Thank you so much Ivan!"

"Not a problem! Have fun!"

"Ha ha I will. Goodbye."

"Goodbye sister."

And with that, they hung up. "England... Why would he shrink my breasts?" She thought for a moment. _I have to call Estonia. I'm on my portable a lot today! _She dialled the blond's number. He picked up after the first ring.

"This is Estonia," he said politely.

"Estonia, it's Ukraine."

"Yes, I know. I have caller ID. How can I help you."

Katushya blushed at her mistake. "Can you find England's number for me?"

"...And why do you need to call England exactly?"

"Because you were right. My crops are an eighth of their size. And I think he is the one that did it."

"...I see. Hold on just a moment. I will find his number for you." Katushya had only about forty-five seconds to wait before Estonia spoke again. "I found it. The number is (NOT AVAILABLE TO READERS! BWAHAHA) okay?"

"All right. Thank you very much Estonia!" Ukraine said brightly, relieved that she had a friend who could find numbers so easily.

"I hope everything works out well. Goodbye."

"I hope so too. Bye." She hung up for the third time and dialled the number that Estonia had given her. It rang four times. Five. Six. Voicemail. _Oh dear. _

Sorry for not posting yesterday. I was at my friend's house. But I will try to post twice today! Review please!


	5. Chapter 5

"Arthur, you appear to have missed a call," Francis said, holding Arthur's portable up for him to see.

"I didn't recognize the number, so I didn't answer."

Francis' eyes went wide. "Arthur! You should always be willing to talk to new people!" he cried dramatically, waving his arms about as he did so.

The Brit scoffed. "You're one to talk mister, 'I'm better than everyone! Onhonhon!'" he mocked in a very poor rendition of a French accent.

Francis 'hmph'ed and stuck up his nose. "At least I try to meet new people, unlike _someone_ who likes to sit alone all day."

Arthur folded his arms and shifted his weight to one leg. "You really want me to call that number, don't you?"

"Oh, would you please?" Francis beamed innocently.

The Brit sighed and held his hand out for the portable, which the Frenchman quickly gave him. "You're ridiculous, Francis," Arthur commented it began to ring. He received a wide grin from the blond in response.

"England? I'm so glad you called me back!" came a very excited voice from the other end.

Arthur was surprised, to say the least. "I... I'm sorry. Who is this?"

"Oh I didn't introduce myself. I'm sorry. This is Ukraine."

"Oh, Ukraine. Can I help you... how did you get this number anyway?"

"I'm sorry, but I really needed to ask you something."

"Euh... okay. Ask away." the blond looked back at Francis, who seemed strangely engrossed in the conversation.

"You do magic, right?"

"WHAT? How do you know that?" he was shocked and his arms flailed wildly. _There is no way she could have known that!_

"Waah! I'm sorry! It's just that I have a problem and I think you might have caused it and so I asked Russia and he said you do magic and then I got your number and I tried to call you but you didn't answer!" She babbled. "I'm so sooorrryy!"

"Okay, okay calm down. What's your problem and how might I be the cause of it?" _Jeez, what a crybaby! _Francis was now grinning uncontrollably at him. _Frog._

"Ah well... did you cast any shrinking spells yesterday?"

_Oh, so that's it. Shit. _"Is this about your tits?" he blurted out, not thinking.

There was a very awkward silence from the other line. "Erm... I guess you could say that... could you please just... reverse it?"

"Right... Sorry. I'll just... get right on that. Bye." He hung up abruptly, blushing madly.

Francis looked slyly at him. "Who was that and what happened to her tits?"

"Nothing, frog! I just got a little drunk and cast a bad spell. So I have to fix it now."

"Whatever you say, Arthur. But can I watch? I want to see you cast a spell!"

Arthur pinched the bridge of his nose in irritation. "All right. Fine. Just don't touch anything, please." Francis saluted and the two made their way to Arthur's basement.

"It's been a while since I was down here," Francis said thoughtfully as Arthur pulled on his black robe.

"It'll be a while before you're back. I just have to cast this spell and get this over with, understand?" Francis nodded casually. "Good. Just hold on." He opened the large spell book to a growing spell and pulled out his wand.

"Étonnant! A wand!"

Arthur shushed him and began the spell. *Insert gibberish here*. "Spirits! I ask you to restore Ukraine's chest to its large size!" There was a large flash of blue light, and Francis' eyes went wide with wonder.

"Arthur! That was amazing!"

The Brit blushed. "No it wasn't. I can do that dead-pissed. It's nothing."

"If you say so."

Katushya was sitting anxiously on her couch when her vision went brilliant blue for several seconds. She didn't even feel anything except a vague sort of pressure. When her vision came back, she looked down and saw that her breasts were indeed back. But they seemed bigger than they used to be. _Oh, well. At least there is no crisis anymore. _She sighed and stood up carefully. She groaned. "My back hurts!" she whined.

Well, the end. Poor Ukraine. I know that having huge boobs can hurt sometimes. And yeah, no pairings. Except maybe France and England. If you REALLY squint. Reviews, anyone?


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